thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
