She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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