Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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