you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
