dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
