i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
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he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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