I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
