I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
