dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
