I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
