When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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