well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
