Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
