some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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