After last night, I could never be a politician.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
