Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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