Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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