Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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