I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
