please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
