R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
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I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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