I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
