why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
