I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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