No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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