Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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