WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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