I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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