glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
