Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
