Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
