his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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