I think my vagina is haunted
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
