ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
