I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
