His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i was born a porn star she said
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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