she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
