Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
