I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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