I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
