i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
