Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
