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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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