i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
