It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
