well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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