Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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