I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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