Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
