Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
