I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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