I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
