Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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