But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
