At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
