I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
