Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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