I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
