grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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