You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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