Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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