is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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