Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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