if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
