You're a womanizer and a bitch.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
