I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
