Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
