someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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