woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
