Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
