I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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