remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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